Details: The Reception

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Details: The Ceremony

The ceremony was short and sweet. The Reverend Kelly Burt performed the ceremony on Saturday, November 17, 2007 at 4PM on the beach gazebo in Oceanside, CA near the pier. Daryl made some last minute changes to the text and Kelly did a great job including them. As, I mentioned before, the light and the temperature were just right. I selected ‘The Chairman’s Waltz’ from the ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ soundtrack for the wedding processional music. Santos did an excellent job DJ-ing on our new little portable sound system. The song is a little eerie with an Asian undercurrent. We didn’t really rehearse, so the wedding coordinator let us know when the music was playing. Beth led first and negotiated the stairs like a pro. Phoenix was then escorted down the center isle by my sister Erica. But, no one saw it since they were still looking back at the stairs. Oops. My bad. The heart shaped ring pillow Phoenix wore is actually the ring pillow Victoria helped me make for my Mom’s wedding. We converted it to a backpack and were pleasantly surprised when the pillow looked like angel’s wings as Phoenix pranced around the apartment. I felt like it was good luck to incorporate a memento from her wedding since she has had such a blissful run with Jim. I followed chanting to myself, “don’t stumble on the stairs, don’t stumble…” Dad looked so handsome in his double-breasted suit as he met me at the bottom, hugged me deeply, kissed my cheek, said some special things and escorted me to the front. Once he hugged me, all my concerns of tripping, crying, or suffering some dress malfunction slipped away and I was in the moment.

As Carl videod the exchange of vows as the sun set in everyone’s eyes, I enjoyed the moment as much as I could. I made a conscious effort to look over the guests. I thought I would be nervous, but I was very content. Daryl suggested we ask Mom to say something to the guests in Vietnamese. She did a wonderful job improvising a beautiful greeting and said a prayer in her native language. I never thought Vietnamese sounded so eloquent as it did that day. She looked gorgeous in her beautiful ao yai in deep purple velvet. She also thanked all the guests for traveling to be with us, which was a thoughtful touch. I’m looking forward to seeing the video of that to recall what she said. But, Daryl and I were touched when on a recent visit, Jim could recount her speech almost word for word. My Dad joked he should get the chance to say a Spanish and Arabic prayer. But, if I had let both my Mom and Dad speak, you all know I would have had to pay the Reverend extra dough for the Extended Ceremony package!

You may have noticed a bizarre range of accessories adorning my person. Each piece had a special significance to me. Starting with the jewelry, the large bracelet was borrowed from Victoria after I asked her to rustle up some chunky silver and turquoise jewelry. Boy, did she deliver. The turquoise and silver is a nod to my New Mexico heritage. The necklace was made by her mother. She informed me after the wedding that the necklace was her mother’s gift to me! The turquoise earrings were hand made by my friend Laura who could not make the wedding and just celebrated her own marriage recently. I wore a turquoise and silver ring given to me by my Grandmother. And, of course, I wore my beautiful princess cut white gold engagement ring. I was trying to capture a Jean Harlowe type retro glamour look as Julie and I discovered after our day of dress shopping.

I found my dress online at a vintage reproduction boutique. It was actually my backup dress. I had another dress that Mom, Victoria and I attempted to alter when I remembered I had this dress in the closet. I had written it off because it was too tight when it originally arrived and I thought it might be too flashy for a beach ceremony with heavy beading, satin fabric and rhinestone accents. But, when I came out, Victoria and Mom practically passed out using words like “goddess” and “statuesque.” I was sold. At 5’-1” tall, any dress that can make me look statuesque will be my choice. I was aiming for the essence of the 30’s look, without looking too costume. But, I have to say when I look at the pictures, everything came together and exceeded my expectations. The drama of the dress and accessories and the scale of the bouquet were just fine in the vast scale of the beauty of the beach. To complete the look, I added what is referred to as a birdcage veil. They wanted to charge me $40 in the bridal shops for it. I found the parts to make it for less than $3. To heighten the drama, I accented the veil with a vintage brooch, freshwater pearls and some bleached peacock feathers. The feathers also tied into my bouquet. The bouquets were made by Daryl’s Mom, Donna. We used yellow mums and large sunflowers. I asked her to incorporate regular peacock feathers into Beth’s bouquet to bring out the color in her dress. And, I thought it would be nice for my bouquet to be long and tall, which is also a reference to Vietnam. She finished off the bouquets with long strands of colorful ribbons. I also gave her a bunch of brooches to select from to finish off the base of the bouquets. I think they both came out wonderfully and I got to enjoy them for the rest of the week as both flowers were exceptionally hearty. I added a little cherub pin my Grandmother sent me to one of the ribbons for good luck. I originally had super bling shoes on for the photographs, but opted for the more reliable basic satin shoes for the actual ceremony. And, I enlisted Ryan again to do my hair. She generously took the time to not only do my hair, but to touch up several other people’s hair while we waited. Victoria wore a shell necklace I made. And I caught Donna in the Jade earrings I had presented to her. If I do say so myself, she looked wonderful in them. I don’t know why I really enjoyed seeing all the Mom’s wearing their jade jewelry. I guess I just assumed the items would be tucked away somewhere in a drawer. But to see them on made me feel very special.

We had a lot of fun waiting for the ceremony to begin and had all the warmth of a gossiping beauty salon. It was all girls, with the exception of our Photographer (and now friend) Patrick. He got some wonderful unique shots that I will reveal at a later date.

The lace overcoat I wore was a concept idea I had to take all the vintage laces I had collected over the years and quilt them into a superb overcoat. The project got cut back quite a bit with grand ideas of hand stitching, beaded accents and long train. But, Lisa helped me really nail down a vision when she visited a month prior and Mom took over the assembly when she arrived. As time ran short, my expectations for the jacket really lowered. But, when I finally saw the photographs, I thought it looked like a million dollars. Mom did an incredible job finessing my original concept and altering it to fit my body and still compliment the dress underneath. And, functionally, it did add that extra bit of warmth to take the chill off as the sun disappeared. It was divine. I wore it the following day, to keep the festivities alive. That day, nephew Brett came up to me. I thought he said, “I really like your dress.” I beamed and replied, “Thank you Brett. So sweet.” Then he corrected me, “No, I said YOU really like your dress!” It was hilarious and true!

Daryl designed the men’s look. They had a last minute pants problem with the Groom and Best Man. Daryl and John went to Macy’s that morning to remedy the problem. Luckily, Macy’s was having a sale and John had the presence of mind to ask for a corrected receipt on all the items purchased the previous week. I didn’t know this, but many stores have a standing policy that they will refund you the difference if you buy something that later goes on sale. At Macy’s, it’s something like a 15 day window. We ended up getting a big hunk of change back which was a nice surprise. Daryl bought matching jackets and matching ties. Mom converted one of the men’s ties to fit little Phoenix. Ryan gave Phoenix his dapper do after he protested his Mohawk with a vehement Dapper Don’t!

Finally, we exchanged our white gold shiny bands and Reverend Kelly introduced us as we walked towards the gazebo as Mr & Mrs Wells where Phoenix waited with outstretched arms. I grabbed my same name baby and we bathed in the bubbles blown by our fans and soaked in the sunset. What a perfect moment. And, to think I ALMOST vetoed the bubbles!

Details: Sister's Breakfast

Beth wanted to plan some sort of girly get together for me since a bridal shower and bachelorette party were not feasible this year. So we thought a brunch the morning of the ceremony might be the best way to go. She asked me to describe what I wanted to accomplish with the brunch and I told her my first priority would be to get some time to get to know my new sister-in-laws and expose them to my sisters. I also included mothers and close friends on the list. Beth somehow got up at the crack of dawn and prepared a feast including three different types of quiche. She decorated with turquoise and daisies. And all this with a 5 month old!

As Erica set my hair in rollers, we ladies talked about marriage and love. I tried to crack the Wells wall of secrecy asking if they wanted to tell me anything about Daryl before I walked down the aisle. But, not a peep. So, I asked if I was making a horrible mistake and received a unanimous, “definitely not.“ So that’s good. I talked about the reason I really love Daryl. If you weren’t there, you’ll just have to wonder!

The party centered around the kitchen theme, so everyone contributed one recipe that was assembled in a scrap book for me. I look forward to having Daryl cook some of them for me. Beth provided a beautiful centerpiece comprised of a bevy of sea colored kitchen accessories with a 50’s flare. We ended up using them throughout the weekend.

I used the gathering as an opportunity to dole out some Thank You’s and gifts. I got Beth a turquoise and sterling bracelet and similar style ring and introduced her to the group. For those that missed it, she has been my best friend since Freshman year of Highschool, which she added was 20 years ago. We went on to dorm together at University of Virginia and visited each other regularly throughout our graduate years. And she is always a phone call away when I need her. I was her Maid of Honor at her wedding and now she is mine. And best of all, now we embark on the new role of being mothers together with baby boys! She felt pressure to live up to my over achieving efforts as her Maid, but I reminded her I didn’t have a brand new baby when I was helping her plan her wedding. She did a great job with her duties starting with picking a perfect complimentary dress to mine. I was very vague about giving her direction with the dress, but I thought she looked stunning while still making me feel like the center of attention. She has been a wonderful support throughout my life and we continue to grow closer. I love her very much.

I also took the opportunity to tell people about the Tea Ceremony that had occurred the day before. It was nice to see Marion wearing her Jade pendant at the breakfast. I really felt connected to her as a daughter at that moment. And, I was pleased to see it flattered her nicely. Although I didn’t feel it was appropriate to recognize Victoria as a mother at the tea ceremony, one of her many roles in my life is as a mother, so I honored her at the breakfast with a bold Jade pendant (actually, I found out it’s a stone called Adventurine) to signify that role in my life. I would be very proud to be her daughter. Of course I said all of this with tears of joy in my eyes.

Time started getting short and I knew I would probably need a chunk of time to shellac and polish my way to stardom. So, we wrapped up the event with a quick group pic on the back porch, some hugs and I was off!

Details: Post Rehearsal Party

I put word out that after the rehearsal dinner, we would be heading to Beth’s condo and anyone could join us. As part of her gift to us, Beth rented a four bedroom unit right on the beach and it became an excellent support space for wedding activities. That night, Dad organized a huge game of poker, which we dubbed The Texas Hold ‘Em Honeymoon Tournament. 50% of the pot would go to the Honeymoon Fund! I have to say it was nice to sit down at the table and already own half of the pot. I definitely felt like I had nothing to lose. I liked the idea of splitting the pot because I think it helped encourage some people to play that normally wouldn’t just to help send us off in style. Well, I made it to the final table and was slowly getting beat down by the power players. I made my move and went all in on a pair of Kings against Eric’s pair of 8’s. Everyone gathered round. I was feeling fairly indestructible when the flop revealed a third King. But, when the turn showed an 8, for a moment, I thought I was beat. The crowd reminded me that he would still have to pull out another 8. One card. Only one card would save him. We all prepared to bid Eric farewell and I began to figure out how to slide his massive pile of chips towards me when the river card was revealed. Aahhhhhh! An Eight! An 8! He was spared and I was eliminated. I began chanting, “I was robbed!" Eric felt pretty bad for knocking out the bride-to-be and I laid on the guilt in an attempt to assuage my ego. But, actually, I’m quite proud to be part of one of the greatest hands I have ever seen played out. OK, it took little skill on either of our parts, but it sure was as exciting as it could have been. Eric went on to take home the pot and as a gesture of good will, he gave us the whole kitty. I insisted he take at least his buy-in x 2. The $200 Fund was put towards two wonderful dinners out and tickets for a tour of the old gold mines when we stayed in Julian for our honeymoon.

While all the action at the tables was going on, busy bees were buzzing away in the kitchen assisting Toby with the Cake. There was much to do. Toby was given about 300 miniature cupcakes, supplies she requested for a basic icing, chocolate shell candies, 300 skewers and some styrofoam shapes. She began constructing a most original cake, that we nicknamed Sputnik after the original concept was drawn up. There were several issues that came to light that prevented her from going with the original design, but I very much enjoyed watching her creatively improvise and delegate tasks to her volunteer sous chefs including Justine and Victoria and probably a few others. I love how it came out and everyone seemed to appreciate the design and taste.

And, if that weren’t enough entertainment, Beth’s place came with a hot tub, Several people, including me, took advantage of the beachside bubbles and midnight moon view. It was pretty heavenly, I gotta say. And it’s convinced Daryl and I to consider adding a hot tub to our list of future amenities for our southwest oasis.

One of the big surprises for the evening was to see our childhood friend, Al (Now Vince) Williams and meet his beautiful wife, April. I haven’t seen him in 20 years. Jason, Al and I were very close and I hardly recognized him when he walked in the room. But, as soon as I hugged him, I felt like we were all twelve again ready to stay up all night playing games and drinking Dr Pepper. It was so surreal to know the three of us are all grown up, parents and spouses. I felt like it was an inside joke: the three of us sitting around pretending to be adults while all the while we could look at each other giggling inside knowing we were just wearing adult costumes. Shhh. Don’t tell anyone. Tee hee. Anyway, he was all grown up into a fine young man, which pleasantly surprised me since he was such a teenage terror. We think of him as an extended brother and I think we all felt like we would make good efforts to stay in touch and maybe even visit. We’ll be up in Oregon for Christmas which is very near where Vince lives now, so we might try to rendezvous.

Several people commented how much they enjoyed these more casual events. It gave us lots of time to catch up with people. I had already prepared myself and warned my guests that I would probably not get a lot of one-on-one time. But, at times it felt more like a family reunion than a wedding.

Details: Rehearsal Dinner

Immediately following the Tea Ceremony, we all headed over to the Jolly Roger Restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner. We kept it to parents and wedding party, which I was worried about at first since so many people had traveled so far to be with us, but once we were there, we were really glad. It was an intimate, quiet atmosphere and it gave us a chance to thank all the key people in our lives without a lot of fanfare. And there would be plenty of time for us to see everyone else in the coming hours and days.

Dad started us off treating us to a champagne toast and appetizers. The round tables had been pushed together to make one long banquet table, which was not very conducive to conversation or pictures. And, we didn’t plan a seating arrangement. Looking back, it would have been better for us to sit in the middle where we could feel a little more connected to everyone at the table, although I don’t think anyone felt left out. I stayed in my traditional Vietnamese wedding dress so everyone could enjoy it. The meal was good. It was too dark to enjoy the harbor view, but the atmosphere of the restaurant was peaceful. Jim & Mom picked up the remaining tab, which was a nice surprise for us. Thank you to both Dads for treating us to our rehearsal dinner!

Details: Tea Ceremony

This was the dark horse event. Everyone who attended told me it was the favorite part of the weekend. As most of you know, my Mom is Vietnamese. So, I asked her if she would incorporate some traditions from the Vietnamese wedding ceremony. She suggested adding a tea ceremony. Traditionally, it occurs on the morning of the wedding, but we decided to have it prior to the rehearsal dinner. At the ceremony, my Mom explained the purpose and some of the history of the ceremony. She also described the story of the decorative fruit on the table. The story says there was a couple deeply in love, but were not allowed to be together because they were from different economic backgrounds. But, when they died, they were buried side by side and on one grave grew a fruit and on the other a vine. As they grew, they intertwined. Legend has it wherever you find the fruit, you will find the vine. I'm the fruit. Definitely.

Daryl and I presented our new in-laws with a cup of either tea or sake and thanked them for inviting us into their family and then bowed our heads. If they accept us, then they drink. Luckily, all the parents drank! Ken and Jim particularly enjoyed every drop of their sake (see pics). Then they had an opportunity to say how they feel. There were a lot of happy tears. Traditionally, at this point, they would present the bride with gold and jade jewelry symbolizing respectively good luck and good health. But, I didn’t feel it was appropriate to ask my future in-laws to bedazzle me in jewelry, especially after giving us so much and extending themselves to be there. So, we reversed the tradition and I found baubles to give them, which I really enjoyed. I presented Donna with some jade dangle earrings and Marion with a traditional circular jade pendant. Daryl surprised me by presenting my Mom with a sterling pendant in the shape pf a stylized Phoenix. My Mom surprised me by giving me several pieces she’d been saving for me: A jade necklace, bracelet and earrings!

I’m so glad I asked Mom to put this together. She looked beautiful in a turquoise dress she actually borrowed from me. I was wearing a traditional Chinese Wedding outfit my Mom had custom made. I gave her my measurements a couple of months ago, so it was nice to try it on and have it be too big! Mom did some last minute alterations to get it fitting just so. There was an outer jacket with hand painted dragons and flaming suns. The inside was a lavender dress with hot pink accents. On the pink panels, there is a phoenix at the top and a dragon below. The fabric crown you see in the pictures is a tradition that goes back a long way. Mom’s not sure of the symbolism, but I can’t help but think of a crown for a princess. Ryan did my hair and it complimented the crown perfectly. The girls also stayed for the ceremony to help out with the babies. Victoria and Aku attended and volunteered to photograph the event. It’s also traditional for me to have my best friend their, so I asked Beth and Eric to join us.

At the last minute, Mom informed everyone of the tradition of gifting the bride with money. Everyone wanted to try it, but no one was prepared for this, so they all rustled up some one dollar bills and stuffed them into my sleeve. It was pretty funny.

The Tea Ceremony was such a nice addition and kickoff to the weekend’s events, I feel like it should be part of every wedding. It was so touching, Daryl and I almost felt like we were already married after that ceremony. But, there was so much more to come!

Details: Preparation

Mom and Victoria joined me one week early to kick off the party. Essentially, I didn't do anything in terms of party preparation until they arrived, so there was a lot to do. With Phoenix around, we divided the duties into thirds with one person always on Phoenix Patrol. The other two would be busy cooking, sewing or shopping. I asked both V & Mom to plan and make one side dish with enough to serve 50! Mom made her famous Fried Rice and Victoria made a light pasta dish using pasta shells in keeping with the beach theme! Both were not only great to supplement the Reception food, but became perfect meals for the rest of the week allowing us to save lots of time avoiding the kitchen. V made mini chocolate cupcakes from scratch from a recipe I downloaded from the internet and Mom made her famous carrot cake mini cupcakes. I asked my sister Toby to help us with the cake, but since her time was limited before the ceremony, we thought it might help her if the cakes were ready ahead of time. I froze them hearing that keeps them fresh, but it ended up causing the cake to do some weird things that made the original design impossible to construct. But, Toby ended up doing a great job improvising at the eleventh hour. You can see a photo of the cake in the Victoria Wedding Photos.

Starting Thursday, Victoria, Beth and I kicked off the fun with a trip to the local Farmers Market. We shopped for dips, veggies and fruits. We also picked up yellow Mums and Sunflowers for the bouquets. We wrapped up our tour with pedicures followed by sushi! At that point, reinforcements started arriving. Donna and Ken arrived along with Ryan and Carl. We put them all to work immediately with Phoenix duties. After that point, everything accelerated to a full frenzy.